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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Dream weaver

I'm not the type of person who has recurring dreams. In fact, I don't usually sleep long enough, or deep enough, to have dreams. Then why, I ask you, have I been having dream after dream after dream about the same thing ....

That Guy.

You know, That Guy who really blows my skirt up And has for 10 years. But is married. And therefore off limits. As in: no way, no how. That Guy.

I'm not the kind of girl who would ever consider having a thing with a married guy. Ever. And that is not even up for consideration anyway. I don't even see this person very often. And really, I barely know him. And he probably doesn't even know I exist.

Right?

Okay then, why in the hell do I keep having dreams about That Guy? And why are they so realistic? And why do I remember them so vividly? And why do I deep down think this really means something?

It's unrealistic. It's ridiculous. It's totally stupid. It's unscientific. It's annoying. And yet, it keeps happening.

And shit -- I really do believe it means something.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Destiny, schmestiny

Do you believe in destiny? That life is written, and that we are little rats just following the maze called life that is neatly laid out in front of us? or do you believe that we have the ability to intervene and change our lives?

What do I think? At this point, I have no freakin' idea.

My horoscope today reads: "One often meets one's destiny on the road taken to avoid it," Sometimes, in fact, you can't even get properly aligned with your highest potential unless you try to escape it. Only by seeking an alternate route are you led into the circumstances that ultimately activate the fullness of your gifts. These mysteries will soon have personal meaning for you, Taurus. Upcoming plot twists will lead you to where you didn't even know you needed to go.

Again, no idea what this means. But haven't I had enough plot twists in the past two years???

The one thing I know for sure is that just when I'm set on the way IT WILL BE, and have a hard and fast death grip on that particular outcome, I often have to come to grips with the fact that it will not happen in that way. I fight it for at least a few years, hard and fast. But then I usually concede, grieve the lost dream, and move on. It is just at that moment that whatever I wanted in the first place sometimes comes around. The irony is that by this time I'm not even sure its what I want anymore.