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Monday, November 26, 2012

Really Somebody

Sometimes I feel like all of the good lessons have already been taught, and that I just hear the same regurgitated lesson again and again (not that I always learn it).  Not so at dinner a few weeks ago.

A friend of mine has a friend from home who married an old friend of mine from college.  Friend coincidence.  We all got together for dinner to catch up on the past 20 years of our lives in 90 minutes or less.

My old college friend, Darcy, was ready to take the marine biology world by storm the last time I saw her, when the first Bush was President.  She was excited, invigorated, well-educated and energetic - nothing would stop her.  But then she got married, had children, and made the active decision to stay at home with her children.  I'm sure she is a great mom and it sounds like she has great kids.  But I was surprised to see that the life had been sucked out of her a bit --- she didn't sound very cheery about marriage, being a stay-at-home mom, and the June Cleaver lifestyle.  I mentioned that the good ole dating world ain't so rosy either, and that it certainly wasn't easy to make the decision to parent a child alone.  And then she told me this story:

Her teenage daughter's biology teacher was telling Darby about a class project and Darby mentioned that she is a marine biologist and would love to help out.  The next day Darby's daughter came home and said, "Mom, I am so embarrassed.  Mr. Beason asked me if you could give him some plankton from your lab.  He thought you were really somebody."  Darby turned to me and said, "Your daughter will never wonder if her mom is really somebody."

This comment hit me in the gut.  I've never once considered if my daughter would think I'm competent, important or 'really somebody' --- most likely because I've never questioned this about my mother, grandmother or great-grandmother (all professional women).  I, of course, reminded Darby that being a stay-at-home mom is being somebody.  To which she replied, "You and I know that, and she'll know it someday.  But today this really hurts."