Elmer Analysis

About 6 or 7 years ago a close colleague/friend of mine set me up with her cousin-in-law, whom we'll call Elmer.

This was one of those set-ups that you glance back on and analyze for years (obviously, I'm still at it). I've concluded that its simply 'I know these two people, they're both single, let's put them in a room and see what happens', rather than, 'Wow! These two were made for each other!'. At least I prefer to choose the former.

I knew I was in trouble with Elmer just by his name. But how shallow can you be? Of course, give the guy a chance! And he was well-educated with a great job and a good cousin-in-law. Elmer asked me to choose the venue, and I picked an inexpensive, funky bar and pizza place downtown.

As I walked from my car to the restaurant, I saw a middle-aged man with a backpack squinting up at the sign. I had one of those, 'Dear God, please don't let this be my date' kind of moments. Of course, this was my date. I knew I was in deep trouble when we were shown to a table and he asked to be relocated due to the proximity of the overhead speaker to our table, and then asked me if we could leave the place entirely and go elsewhere (why did you ask me to choose the venue???).

We arrived at the second restaurant and he fussed around like a Siamese cat for 10 minutes before picking a g.d. table. Fine. And then after an hour of discussion he said, "May I share an insight after knowing you for an hour?".

J.C. Fine, go for it.

"You seem like a very smart, accomplished woman who works for and gets the things she wants. But you've reached the age of 34 and you're still not married. This probably means that you don't want to get married."

The date with Elmer came to a screeching halt and we never spoke again. But this statement has haunted me for years.

Was he right? There are certain things in my life that were do or die. Like having a baby. Even if it meant having her on my own. With a gestational carrier. Do or die.

We all know some women who are hell bent to get married. Or have a big wedding. Or both. And they do. If I were hell bent to get married, wouldn't I have done it by now?

I'd like to think that the answer is that I only want to marry the right guy for me and he hasn't come along yet. Sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously happier being alone, but having a hard time letting go of that deep-set habit of trying to find a mate. I guess the jury is still out. Let's hope Elmer is not the Judge.