A Vacation from Myself

I'm at a business meeting in the South, far from home. I sat in a room full of strangers all day. No one knows who I am, what I do, where I'm from, or any part of my crazy life --- it was refreshing. An escape.

I spent the evening reading the newspaper by the pool, reading a novel like it was my life plan, and eating (and enjoying) dinner by myself near the water.

Being alone is sometimes the best place for self-reflection. I'm at an interesting point in my life --- the last two years of chaos with my parents' separation, fertility treatments, miscarriages, surgeries, unexpected new home purchase, extensive renovations, and moving is now settled (phew!).

In a few short weeks (!) my daughter will be here and my life will again be thrown into a tailspin: delivery, newborn, having my mother here, maternity leave, daycare plans, returning to work, adjustment. This tailspin will now be my life.

I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for a big change. But unchartered territory always makes me nervous and this is no different. Will I have a happy and healthy baby? Will I be a good Mom? Will I be good at juggling the work/Mom combination? Will my friendships suffer? Will my health and peace of mind suffer? Will I, as a male friend recently told me, wonder what in the hell I've done and why I've ruined my life? I don't think so. But the nay-sayers are out in full force right now: my house will be trashed. I'll never sleep again. I'll never have sex again. No dude will want to be in a 1-mile radius of me for 6 years. My work will suffer. My waistline will suffer. You get the picture.

I do question how I will figure all of this out. But I will. I always do.