Through the Looking Glass ...

A close friend of mine, Molly, is 43 and single.

Molly is very attractive. Smart. Funny. Kind and thoughtful. Reliable and trustworthy. She is well-educated, has a good job, and hosts great dinner parties. She lives in a chic, funky beach cottage she renovated and decorated herself. In summary: Molly rocks.

Molly went on a date last Saturday with a guy she met on jdate. He is 49, seemed very nice via e-mails, is divorced and .... had just one picture posted. (I've decided that the one-picture posters must be approached with caution.)

When Molly opened the door to meet Mr. Jdate, she was immediately disappointed. He was older and puffier than he looked in his picture. Very nice mind you, but not as advertised (Why, oh why, do people do this???? You are not doing yourself any favors!).

Molly and Mr. Jdate went out to dinner and the evening was fine. C+. No sparks for Molly.

Molly called me the minute he left for the post-date play-by-play. Bottom line, she wasn't into him. But he seemed like a good guy. It's hard to find good guys. Maybe she should give him another shot. Maybe one more date.

I went along with the one more date plan. Fine, one more date. But in reality (and I hate to say this), you know after the first date. You really do. We all like to think that maybe you don't, maybe you're nervous, maybe he is nervous. We all know the woman who wasn't that into the guy on the first date and then he grew on her, and now they're married and living in White Plains with 3 children and couldn't be happier. But most of the time, you just know after the first date. Sorry, you just do, at least when it's all wrong.

Molly called me last night, tortured. Mr. Jdate has e-mailed her, called her, and reprimanded her for not getting back to her sooner (yesterday was Tuesday, mind you). Molly was pissed at him for being pissed. She doesn't want to see him again. But she thinks maybe it's her: She doesn't give people a chance. She is too picky. She is hard on people. She is unrealistic about who is out there. The list goes on and on ....

But through the looking glass from 20 feet away, it was so perfectly clear to me. She just doesn't like this guy. Period. It wasn't just that he was puffy and older than advertised. She just didn't like him. She isn't too picky, too hard to people, unrealistic, etc etc... she just doesn't like this guy. It's really that simple.

It's hard to pick a piece of chewed gum off of the bottom of your sneaker and form it into a sculpture worthy of display at MOMA. Sorry, it just doesn't work.

I'll have to keep this story in mind the next time I reprimand myself for the very same things. Life is so much more clear when it's someone else's.