$40 Well-spent? or Down the Crapper?

So, Mr. Wonderful from jdate didn't write me back, although I could see that he did read my message (don't you just love technology?). Perhaps he is not ready to be back out in the dating world. Perhaps he just wasn't that into me. Or, perhaps he is rather dick-ish. Likely, my friends, the world shall never know.

And so I am left to ask the age old question philosophers have been pondering for centuries, "Were these 40 jdate bucks well spent, or more money down the kosher crapper?".

Like Plato, Socrates, Kant and others who have come before me, I'm left to muse over this deep philosophical issue. After deep thought and meditation, I have to say that the money was well spent. It is rare to find even a profile that peaks my interest. Better to have blown money for lunch, a movie and a giant pack of Twizzlers to see if Mr. Wonderful was really wonderful than to invest the money in a failing stock market and always wonder. Asked and answered.

Minutiae Dump

My life backpack is a little heavy these days, so I've decided to dump the minutiae. Although every piece of minutiae is miniscule by itself, it sure adds up.

Case in point: dating minutiae. I decided to join jdate for a month and e-mail the 'Wow' guy previously mentioned. Before I got around to joining, I noted that he pulled his match.com account and had taken his jdate account off of the searchable mode. This made me question whether he has decided he isn't really ready to date, or if his inbox was simply flooded with Jersey jdate chicks who were hot for a widower making more than $100k per year.

The dilemma - to e-mail or not to e-mail? if he is non-searchable, will he find it stalkeresque that I had saved his profile to Favorites and am just e-mailing him now? Should I e-mail him now, or wait a few days so he can potentially stumble across my profile himself? Would he prefer making the first contact, or find it flattering that I took the initiative? Are the pictures in my profile representative? Should I take a few more? Which should I lead with? What should my e-mail to him say? How should I sign it? At what time of day should I ......... ENOUGH. THE ANSWER IS: WHO THE FUCK CARES???????.

Honestly, people -- enough. It really just doesn't matter.

If he likes me, and I like him, it really doesn't matter. And it won't matter if I wear a black shirt or a gray shirt on the date. Jeans or khakis. Heels or flats. If its there, its there. If its not, its not. Done.

This is really very freeing; I wish I'd come to this truth about 10 years ago. It would have freed up enough room in my lifepack for a sleeping bag.

Through the Looking Glass ...

A close friend of mine, Molly, is 43 and single.

Molly is very attractive. Smart. Funny. Kind and thoughtful. Reliable and trustworthy. She is well-educated, has a good job, and hosts great dinner parties. She lives in a chic, funky beach cottage she renovated and decorated herself. In summary: Molly rocks.

Molly went on a date last Saturday with a guy she met on jdate. He is 49, seemed very nice via e-mails, is divorced and .... had just one picture posted. (I've decided that the one-picture posters must be approached with caution.)

When Molly opened the door to meet Mr. Jdate, she was immediately disappointed. He was older and puffier than he looked in his picture. Very nice mind you, but not as advertised (Why, oh why, do people do this???? You are not doing yourself any favors!).

Molly and Mr. Jdate went out to dinner and the evening was fine. C+. No sparks for Molly.

Molly called me the minute he left for the post-date play-by-play. Bottom line, she wasn't into him. But he seemed like a good guy. It's hard to find good guys. Maybe she should give him another shot. Maybe one more date.

I went along with the one more date plan. Fine, one more date. But in reality (and I hate to say this), you know after the first date. You really do. We all like to think that maybe you don't, maybe you're nervous, maybe he is nervous. We all know the woman who wasn't that into the guy on the first date and then he grew on her, and now they're married and living in White Plains with 3 children and couldn't be happier. But most of the time, you just know after the first date. Sorry, you just do, at least when it's all wrong.

Molly called me last night, tortured. Mr. Jdate has e-mailed her, called her, and reprimanded her for not getting back to her sooner (yesterday was Tuesday, mind you). Molly was pissed at him for being pissed. She doesn't want to see him again. But she thinks maybe it's her: She doesn't give people a chance. She is too picky. She is hard on people. She is unrealistic about who is out there. The list goes on and on ....

But through the looking glass from 20 feet away, it was so perfectly clear to me. She just doesn't like this guy. Period. It wasn't just that he was puffy and older than advertised. She just didn't like him. She isn't too picky, too hard to people, unrealistic, etc etc... she just doesn't like this guy. It's really that simple.

It's hard to pick a piece of chewed gum off of the bottom of your sneaker and form it into a sculpture worthy of display at MOMA. Sorry, it just doesn't work.

I'll have to keep this story in mind the next time I reprimand myself for the very same things. Life is so much more clear when it's someone else's.