Desperate Housewives

Its not particularly reassuring to realize that your life story has more plot twists and drama than Desperate Housewives.

Okay, now I need a surrogate. Or, as I've been educated, a gestational carrier --- my embryo, her uterus. And I thought it was time-consuming to redo my kitchen.

And so the journey begins. We are no longer on Plan B --- I believe we are now up to Plan G. I researched attorneys, agencies, insurance, and talked to other parents who'd been through the process. What I learned is that you can spend a BUNDLE just trying to find a carrier, and that doesn't cover any of her medical expenses, medications, or costs. I decided at this point, because I didn't have enough to do, to take on some of these duties myself.

Where to begin? That's right, Craig's List.

ISO a healthy, loving surrogate who can hatch my frozen embryos into babies. Healthy, normal babies. Without colic. Who sleep through the night. And rarely throw up. And, oh, can you help me care for them too? And perhaps do some light cleaning while I'm at work?

In the interest of space, I settled for the first line. And I posted this ad on a specialized message board for surrogates. Within days, I had several responses. One from an experienced surrogate who lived in the next town!!!!!!!!!! Surely, she must be a nutball.

We met for coffee before work and I found myself drawn to her. She was not a nutball. She is an intelligent, reliable, professional woman who is also a wife and a mother. My first thought was -- you're juggling all of this and now you want to carry my baby? Damn, I can barely walk and chew gum.

But, she did want this. She likes being pregnant, is really good at it, and wants to help other women become parents. The altruism of the act struck me. Yes, she's being compensated, but I'm not sure there is enough money in the world to make me go through all of these invasive procedures, alter my body's chemistry with injectable medications, and stretch my body to the size of a medicine ball for 9 months. Not to mention labor and delivery. Geez, I thought I was a nice person for telling the cashier at CVS that he'd given me back an extra 25 cents in change.

And so, onward and upward. The next episode of Desperate Housewives has begun. Marcia Cross, move over --- I just took your story plot, your personal fertility story, threw them in a blender and added a dash of Steven Spielberg.