Skeleton in the Closet

I've been on many a date with a guy who pulls a skeleton out of the closet that knocks my socks off. This usually occurs at precisely the moment when I'm thinking, "Wow, this guy seems really normal." It is right then that the floor is pulled out from under me and I end up in the dunking booth. Again.

I've heard everything. Guys who claimed to be single admit they're divorced. Guys who suddenly remember to mention that they have a 12 year old daughter. Guys who find this the opportune time to tell me they're married (after kissing me on the mouth). Guys with ultra funky penchants for demonstrating how far certain bodily fluids can fly (no, not kidding). Oh yes, my friends, I've met more skeletons than you'll see at on Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean.

And now Ladies and Gentlemen, stand aside, for a delicious twist of irony: I've got the biggest skeleton in the graveyard. Try these bones on for size: I'm trying to have a baby on my own. And I'm using a surrogate.

Insert deafening silence here.

I pulled this bag of bones out of the closet this spring after dating a guy for about 2 months. He was 41, said he wanted children and a serious relationship, and had dated women with children in the past. So, I said to myself, if anyone can handle this, its this guy.

After telling him the news, he was shocked. I know this because he kept repeating, "Wow, I'm shocked." He took the time to have an extended make out session with me (more on that later) before burning rubber out of my parking lot.

He took two weeks to 'think about' how he felt about my situation before calling to say it was over. He explained that although he was 41 and dating a 39 year old woman, wanted to have children someday, didn't mind dating women with children, and would welcome dating a 'single mom by choice' - my situation was too much, too soon. Okay, fair enough.

He shared that he wants to date a woman for several years before having children. I pointed out that if he wants to subscribe to this action plan with any woman over the age of 32, he had better select someone who flunked biology.

As soon as we got off the phone I realized that this relationship was never meant to be. Nice guy, but I can only talk about American Idol and plasma televisions for 12 minutes before slipping into a coma.

Its never fun to get dumped, but I must admit it was truly amusing to be the person hauling a deep secret out of my closet. Can you imagine how fun it must have been for him to tell THIS story to his buddies? My skeleton wins. Rock on.