The Blender

When I started my job 14 years ago I remember my supervisor mentioning to me, in the middle of the day, that he was going out to get his hair cut. I laughed out loud. He looked bewildered because he was totally serious. He explained that he had to give a lecture the next day and couldn't look shaggy. It seemed so odd to me that someone would take time out of his work day for personal grooming and would consider it completely normal.

Fourteen years later I get it. There is no formal work day for me anymore. I check and return work e-mail from home at night and on weekends and vacations. I take time out during the day to do personal errands or to return personal phone calls, and e-mail my friends during low points in conference calls. I return client phone calls while shopping at BJs, driving in the car, or cleaning my bathroom. It all blends together --- I now do whatever is most convenient and efficient, and multi-tasking is my favorite hobby. This may sound very unappealing to the hardcore 9 to 5'er, but it works for me.

Lately I've been thinking about the boundaries between my life as a single person and my upcoming life as a mother. It has seemed until now that these are discreet circles that do not overlap. I can either wear a sexy dress, flirt, and date OR have a baby, be a mother, and talk incessantly about baby products.

Guess what? Not the case. I'm going to throw all of these things in the blender (sans baby product chatting, which makes me loco). This is my life, this is who I am. I don't plan to have a revolving door of men come through my life, or certainly my daughter's life. But guess what, again? I don't have a revolving door now. With a few notable lapses in judgement, I date a select group of really nice guys. I plan to wear sexy clothes instead of mom jeans AND be a good mom, a good friend, and a good employer and employee. No, I'm not going to be a poster girl for Madonna and Child. But even if I were in a perfect marriage with a perfect house and 2.5 kids, I wouldn't be that poster girl - nor would I want to be.

I don't really know what this life will look like --- and I certainly didn't know what my professional life would look like 14 years ago. But I created it, and I will create this balance, this picture. And the craziest thing is ... I think I'm sexier, more attractive and better company now as an excited, fulfilled 40-year old single almost-new-Mom than I was as a 35-year old swingle on the prowl. Feeling good about your decisions and your independence will do that to a woman.