Party of One

There are groups for single mothers by choice, who choose (I use this term loosely) to have children on their own. There are groups of women who choose (same comment) to use gestational carriers. However, I have found that there are few women who choose to have a baby on their own and are using a gestational carrier.

And maybe thats okay. I tried to hang with the single mothers and found that some were anti-men, some gave out free and unwanted medical advice (you should try cleansing your body with a special diet for 6 months), and most were nice, but just not my crowd. I tried hanging with the other 'intended parents' and found discussions revolving around buying carriers Tiffany jewelry wasn't for me -- again, most people were nice, but just not a good fit.

I sometimes ask myself why my life story reads like an episode of Desperate Housewives. I always seem to find myself starring in unusual plot lines - what is it? Do I crave attention? Did I lack vitamin C as a child? Is it from all of that glue I sniffed in fourth grade (you have to admit, that stuff smelled great)?

I think it may be that I know what feels right, and I know what doesn't, and I'm not good at settling for the wrong thing.

The more common approach for a woman in my position -- mid-thirties, not married, wants children -- would have probably been to marry the guy I loved, but with whom I wasn't happy. We would have struggled and either been unhappy or divorced. We would have either accepted that we couldn't have children or adopted. I would have had a lot of company in this situation.

I prefer the party of one for now. I just have to believe that this road less traveled leads to a brighter future.