Off the Clock

I have an announcement to make folks --- Liv Steadman is officially off the clock! That's right, years of worrying that I would soon be 30, soon be 35, soon be 37 --- and needed to meet someone, speed date, get engaged, get married, get pregnant --- all of that is OVER.

I'm pregnant (in an offsite storage facility sort of way), moving into shit-shack turned glam=palace soon, and taking on 40 in rare style.

Does this mean that I'm not interested in men? Absolutely not. But it does mean that I no longer feel the need to weed through jdate, match and my local Starbucks 'in search of' the frog who will turn into the Prince.

I'm sick of looking for Mr. Right. Mr. Right can come and find me --- I'm the girl in the plumbing aisle at Home Depot wearing jeans and an old t-shirt, spending 25 minutes crawling around on the bottom shelf ISO a flair style, satin finish, hall & closet doorknob. Is that as sexy as the 25 year old chick with three coats of make up, high heels and fake boobs at the skank bar down the street? Damn straight Buster. And guess who gives better knob?