Brave New World

The metamorphosis is a bit more painful than anticipated.

My office manager of 7 years had her last day on Friday. She was just my office manager, right? A colleague. We worked together. She didn't die, or move to Siberia, she just took a new job. Employees come and go. Change is good. Things happen for a reason. No sweat.

So why in the hell did I find myself crying in the bathroom stall at work at 4:15 on Friday afternoon?

I've given this a lot of thought over the weekend. Granted, I'm under a lot of stress. One employee is on maternity leave, another is going out, the maternity leave replacement wears fishnets and stillettos, I've got a major deadline this week, we've had more snow days than Frosty, and my temp secretary has a color hair not found in nature. Yes, I'm under a lot of stress.

But why am I so upset about my office manager, Staci, leaving? I thought back to 7 years ago when she started. Soon after her arrival, my cat from college died - a huge life event for me. We were in a much smaller office and one of my two other employees was just moving away. Staci helped me coordinate the move to a much bigger office and a new phase of my career. I hired 2 new employees who have now been with me for six years. I met Glenn, dated Glenn, planned to marry Glenn, and then broke up with Glenn. Staci saw the whole thing go down and covered for me when I'd go home to lie on the couch and cry. Staci was the only one who knew about my attempts to get pregnant, my miscarriages, and my attempted corrected surgeries. She was one of the first to know I was pregnant via a gestational carrier and she was my right hand woman during my maternity leave and subsequent return to the office. She came to my house and held my newborn daughter. She told me I looked great when I actually looked like I hadn't slept in 47 years and had a formula stain on my shirt. We talked about working together until we were ready to retire. That is why I'm so upset.

So tomorrow is the brave new world with the temp, who has already stored an entire case of soda in our refrigerator without invitation. I hope we make it through at least a six-pack.