Lessons from a High School Boyfriend

I started dating my first real boyfriend in the summer between junior and senior years of high school. Our sisters were on the same softball team and our families had known each other for several years; perhaps this made the 4 year age difference between us a bit easier on my parents (but probably not). I learned many things from this boyfriend (fill in the blanks here) ... but seriously, many of those lessons have stayed with me for 20+ years.

This guy - let's call him Jake - did not want to be sucked into the family business. But it was really all he knew and where he'd worked since he was a teenager. He went to college and aspired to go to business school, but didn't make it happen. He therefore moved home by necessity and started working for the family business. He once said to me, "Choose your life before it chooses you." I ran into him many years later and asked how his life was -- his answer, "The same".

Jake actually married a lovely woman who seems like a great match for him and I hope he has a happy and fulfilling life. But the point that always stayed with me is that you have to create your own life or, like a kayak on a river, you'll just be moved along with the current.

I've tried to embrace my own ability to change and shape my life. Even if it means taking a few minutes a week to work toward a goal, I'll do it. But certain things (relationships, fertility, health) are sometimes outside our control and cannot be chiseled, corralled, or shaped. Some of it is left to happenstance or luck. And perhaps then the only variable is how you paddle when your kayak is headed into rough waters.