Copulence

Oprah did a show a few months ago about a pheromone called copulence than women secrete while ovulating. Men aren't aware that they can smell this pheromone, but it apparently has a profound influence on their attraction to women.

The show was of particular interest to me. I had several surgeries in 2008 in a last ditch attempt to try to carry my own pregnancy. The final surgery in August 2008 was surprisingly brutal and I vowed it was my last. I took several months of estrogen after the surgery and, sadly, my uterine lining did not improve. I did not begin to ovulate independently and still did not get my period. And by then I'd found my gestational carrier and threw myself into Plan B.

Fast forward six months. I was at my college roommate's 40th birthday party and we finally kicked out the last guests at 3am. I went to the bathroom before hitting the hay and lo and behold - my period. I couldn't believe it.

I was certain that this event was like a lunar eclipse. I'd perhaps see it one more time before menopause. But six weeks later it happened again. And then 4 weeks later. And now every 28 days. You have got to be kidding me.

I read 'Are you there God? It's me Margaret', bought a training bra, and had my ears pierced. It's official. I've hit puberty at 40.

The irony of this situation is not lost on me. Vanessa is 28 weeks pregnant with my daughter and I will be a single mom in a 2-bedroom condo in approximately 10 weeks. Plan B does not include another baby or (holy shit!) a set of twins or triplets.

And so Why Now? I think the answer - and the question - may be copulence.

I am aware this sounds crazy. And believe me I am NOT the girl who thinks that every guy likes her. In fact, I'm the girl who needs an engraved notice from the government announcing that a guy likes me. But I'm telling you, something strange is going on. I'm shooting this stuff out all over the place. With no aim, I might add.

Case in point: last night at the grocery store. My cashier was a 17 year old boy (born in the 1990s) who was all about testosterone and Miley Cyrus. I placed all of my items on the belt and handed him a package of tortilla, asking if he could return them for me. He made a face and said, "I don't know about that, I may have to call the cops." to which I replied, "Oh no, not again."

He said, "Oooh, you get in trouble a lot. I'll bet your husband likes that. You aren't married? I'll bet your boyfriend likes that, doesn't he?"

Excuse me??? Have you finished your math homework???????

Did I somehow bring this on myself? Or, is it The Secret? do I think I'm mass producing copulence, so I'm actually attracting men to me? or is it my new lipstain? because it is really cute.

To be continued...